New year

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person"  

W. Somerset Maugham

It has been a while since 2012 set in, but I haven't been able to get the above lines out of my mind. 

Over time relationships undergo a transformation. With some people we become increasingly comfortable, familiarity smooths the initial kinks, and the connection strengthens. In other cases those who once held prime importance for us, fade out of our lives at a later stage. This disappearance could be simply a derivative of our busyness or a shift of priorities. In rare instances the decision to keep away is even intentional. 

Whatever the reason for the distance, we may occasionally look back, ponder over how it happened and even try to bridge the gap. However, any such attempt would be fruitless if the desire to restore things to former glory isn't mutual.  

In Hindi there is a saying: taali ek haath se nahi bajti (you cannot clap with just one hand). It takes two to tango. So is the case with maintaining ties in their true spirit. The effort has to come from both sides.

If the person in front is unwilling to reach for your outstretched hand and has closed his/her heart, then what can be done? You come out feeling foolish and worse still, deeply saddened.

Not only is it a happy chance to be able to keep loving a changed person, but to have them continue to love you back.

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PS: What should one do to make this happy chance actually possible? 

Beautiful words in English (2)

I recently re-posted an old blog of mine titled Beautiful words in English on my Facebook page for My Scribbling Space. My father left a comment there saying that "in today's sms world where is the place or time for beauty?" We are so caught up in our busy lives that we fail to recognize the meaning some words until and unless we are they actually come and hit us. So I thought it would be nice to write more such posts from time to time.

Here is then the second one in this series:

1. Perseverance

the recipe for a sure-shot win

2. Patience

hoping for the best even when the going is the worst

3. Longing

what distance brings with it

4. Presence

who makes all the difference to your life

5. Togetherness

a harmony of two

6. Home

where your heart returns to wherever you may go

7. Trust

what lies behind a leap of faith

8. Perfection

... is not an accident

(motto of Eagle Electric Manufacturing Co., INC., NY)

9. Memories

timeless treasures that you carry forth

10. Dawn

the wonderfulness that awaits at the end of your period of struggle

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P.S: Any beautiful words you would like to suggest to add to the collection?

Slam bam

Recently Union Environment Minister, Jairam Ramesh slammed the faculty and research quality of IITs and IIMs. He said that the excellence of these institutes is because of their students and not the teaching staff. (See the article here.)

Any MBA student will tell you of their grueling work schedule. I had a fair share of the experience during M.Sc. Chemistry at IIT Bombay long ago in 2001-2003. Every semester we gave two sets of exams - one in the middle and the other at the end. Interspersed between these would be quizzes and written assignments for every subject. In the senior year in preparation for the research life ahead the professors as part of their courses had us looking through literature in journals, write reports on the findings and even make presentations.

Clearly then along with the students, the faculty also have their work cut out and need to do more than simply using the chalk and blackboard in order to maintain standards. Doing good research requires you to keep abreast with the latest developments in your field, to be quick enough to ride on the tide and to build a solid niche for your work amidst that.

Maintaining a balance between being a good teacher and a quality researcher becomes a matter of being passionate about what you do and managing it well. Discussing new findings appearing in journals with students and colleagues enables to identify the possibilities therein for you. Engaging the senior students in mentoring the younger lot can help in taking some of the load off.

We now have a total of 16 IITs and in addition there are six IISERs. Until a year back some of the professors from University of Pune and scientists from NCL were roped in for taking classes at IISER, Pune besides performing their regular duties. Due to shortage of competent faculty the existing staff has to perhaps bite more than they can chew. There is a need to bring in more hands for the job.

Science in India still suffers at the behest of brain drain. Out of the 20 M.Sc. Chemistry students in my class 18 went to either US or Germany to do their Ph.D. and then continued to stay on longer for pursuing a post-doc. I know of only one of them to have returned recently to IIT Bombay as an Assistant Professor.

I feel the general perception that doing science and making money do not go together should be changed. Eyebrows should not be raised when professors call for higher pay scales. Giving encouragement, incentives and rewards wherever due would make the demanding job lucrative and go a long way in luring back more and more lost talent.

DPS Mathura Road where I schooled which had started off in tents eventually became one of the largest schools in Delhi where you had classes from Nursery to XII and each class having 6-9 sections. This was possible only because the architects were able to envision the great future despite the humble beginnings. The huge Angstrom Laboratory where I am currently working is relatively new and first opened its doors a few years back only. Similarly our newer universities and institutes should be built while keeping the imminent progress in mind. The older ones should be timely upgraded and an improvement in the working conditions should be brought about.

As much as world class students deserve world class professors, the world class professors need world class facilities to motivate them to do better still.

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PS: What is your take? Are our professors as bad as the Minister thinks?

The social network

A few weeks back I was having a discussion with a friend about Facebook (FB). My friend thought that for most people FB is about showing off and receiving praise. Some people are so active, may be addicted that they feel compeled to announce every few hours what they are doing - sleeping or working, which party they are going to, and which restaurant they are dining at. How many of us can do without sharing our photos moments after returning from a holiday? Both the word of mouth publicity of a good film and bad mouthing of tainted politicians linked to a scam immediately happen through FB. We practically express every happiness, displeasure, anger first to the world instead of sharing with the person concerned.

The upside is that in a small measure you get to be a part of people's lives who are living not streets but countries apart. The connectivity makes the world appear smaller than it is. Seeing others' achievements and activities fills you up with your own dreams. Agreed when everybody may be celebrating heavy snowfall and you are living in the hottest place on earth, you are most likely to end up cursing your fate however wonderful a time you may be actually having. But when you do eventually get to experience the same snowfall you appreciate it more.

On the other hand when your friends' lives are so in your face it becomes difficult to sometimes concentrate on yours. You no longer wonder how it is on the other side of the fence, but are actually able to see the greener pastures there. In this process what we forget to realize is that on FB we only see what we get and what we get is what is "chosen" to be shown.

Can we claim that we really know what lies beyond the stretch of green grass presented to us? Haven't we all at one time or another worn a happy face in front of everyone even when we are anything but that? Haven't we all at one time or another said that all is well even when things are messed up? You may have hundreds of names on your contact list but only a select few would know the real deal. As a corollary, the same can be said for each of those names on your contact list.

I recently came across a blog and initially felt a little pinch at its popularity. I was bewildered how could the author of the blog write something worthwhile, thought provoking and delightful everyday. But as I read more and more I learnt that he had gone through a lot of difficulties in life and is still trying to get over them. He had weight issues as a child and was laughed at. He was bullied in high school. Eventhough he is only 30 he has already had two unsuccessful marriages.

Long ago I had expressed my jealousy on my blog. What someone had commented then, I finally understand and believe now. Before we judge others and complain to God we should count the many of our wishes He has already fulfilled. We should tell ourselves that in time He will give us more as long as we ask in faith.

Thanking for the bad

A young woman was sitting at her dining table, worried about taxes to be paid, house-work to be done and to top it all, her family was coming over for Thanksgiving the next day. She was not feeling very thankful at that time. As she turned her gaze sideways, she noticed her young daughter scribbling furiously into her notebook.

“My teacher asked us to write a paragraph on Negative Thanksgiving for homework today.” said the daughter, “She asked us to write down things that we are thankful for, things that make us feel not so good in the beginning, but turn out to be good after all.”

With curiosity, the mother peeked into the book.

This is what the daughter had written:

“I’m thankful for Final Exams, because that means school is almost over.
I’m thankful for bad-tasting medicine, because it helps me feel better.
I’m thankful for waking up to alarm clocks, because it means I’m still alive.”

It then dawned on the mother, that she had a lot of things to be thankful for!

She thought again…
She had to pay taxes but she that meant she was fortunate to be employed.
She had house-work to do but that meant she had her own home to live in.
She had to cook for her family for Thanksgiving but that meant she had a family with whom she could celebrate.


A friend forwarded me this story a while back and I remember it bringing a smile on my face. We always thank God for the good things in our life but immediately start questioning Him for the bad. In tough situations we wonder why is it us facing the music. Sometimes even the simplest of chores appear burdensome.

The above story makes us realize that in our everyday worries we tend to forget what all we have been blessed with. It tells us that behind the difficulties we come across, there is a hidden good which we should try to recognize and be thankful and happy for. Instead of whining, we should look at the silver lining of the cloud. Like Thomas Edison who had once said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." we should see the bright side of life.

Still missing

Quite a long time back I had done a post titled Missing Something. It was inspired by a question "Is there something missing in your life?" that was printed on an ad board placed at a Cafe Coffee Day table. In the post I presented that slogan in different creative ways. I recollect that at time the line only made me think about the things I had never had then and therefore, longed for, like a visa stamp on my passport, a research paper published in my name, and the hero of my life. But there is another kind of craving, the one which comes with having to let go off something that you actually did possess.

In packing my bags for coming to Uppsala I had to leave behind effects ranging from the simple (such as my favourite books and a carefully built saree collection) to the important which included the familiarity of my surroundings, the security of a home and the comfort that you feel because of a certain person's presence. It is hard not to miss any of these small and big things that you love and are so used to. When spirits are particularly low you sense a kind of deprivation and incompleteness. The only consolation is, in most cases, the sureity of there existence elsewhere and the knowledge of the fact that sooner and not too much later you will get it all back. But till then you have to learn to "be patient in tribulation".

Thoughts in Chennai

My experiences in the last few months have made me realize that:

Nothing tests you like having to keep patience. *especially when you are in a hurry*

Only when the ordeal gets over are you able to joke about it. *all through it you of course cringe*

Look around and you will find that your troubles are not the greatest. *but this doesn't make me feel any better*

The future beckons as well as springs doubts. *However excited you may be for what is about to happen, you cannot help but question "What will happen next?"*

Much of life's happiness is in the hundreds of little moments. *kisi ke jaane ke baad, aaye phir uski yaad... choti choti si baat*

Distance doesn't separate when hearts are one. *but I prefer not being away*

Wherever you may live, home is where he is. *and home is where I want to head to asap*

Lead us not into temptation

Lying in bed the other night as I let my thoughts wander it struck me, that in life the acts that entice us are always the bad ones. For example, wanting to

watch tv when you know you should be studying for an upcoming exam,
eat chocolates, pastries and burgers when you know you should be sticking to your diet,
sleep when you know should be cooking,
splurge when you know you should be saving,
say lies and hide things when you know you should be be telling the truth,
dwell on issues when you know you should be concentrating elsewhere,
set lose your wrath when you know you should be keeping calm, and
give up at the last moment when you know you should be persevering some more.

In each of the above cases giving in comes at some cost. At the end of the day the pleasure turns out to be momentary with our conscience constantly reminding us of our guilt. Knowing this very well, still so many times we are unable to be on good behaviour. Maintaining restraint doesn't come easily. Perhaps that is why we ask the Lord in prayer,

“Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.”

Sightseeing

I feel if reaching a destination is exhilarating then the journey undertaken for it is taxing, testing and thought provoking. In July my husband and I went touring to Agra, Jaipur and Manali. We returned happy and satisfied with many memories to treasure. Watching the beauty of the Taj Mahal, the enormity of the Aamer Fort and the splendour of the Rohtang Pass with the Ladakh mountains forming its backdrop left us spellbound. We travelled by road to all these cities. There were various kinds of sights that we saw in addition to the above, such as:

Hounding guides at the heritage monuments.
Populated markets, where at every step we had vendors after us to buy their goods.
Dhabas situated at deserted locations in between cities.
Small settlements in conditions and at heights you wouldn’t want to return to a second time.
People making their livelihood by selling tea and taking photos at 13,000 ft!
A man, leaving the sanctuary of his home, driving for days on end through treacherous routes.

What makes men and women lead such difficult lives and continually so? Wouldn’t they prefer any other way? I don’t believe that it is simply a lack of vision and/or ambition posing as obstacles, but a lack of means.

Extremely hard though it might be, these people haven’t surrendered but are striving to meet their needs. And all the struggles and sacrifices are always for a better tomorrow.

Morning school assemblies

Yesterday was my Ph.D. viva and it made me ask myself the question when was the first time I had spoken on a platform. The answer was in class fifth. From the faint memories I have of that time I recall that during an English lesson I had recited a poem from our reader titled "Abou ben Adam". My teacher was rather pleased and felt I should give a repeat performance in the school's morning assembly. She had to specially take permission from the Junior School (classes Nursery-V) Headmistress to allow me to speak. I practised quite hard and it paid off. When the moment arrived I managed to deliver without faltering.

In Middle School (classes VI-VIII) and Senior School (classes IX-XII) the format of the assemblies was different. Every day the assembly was conducted by students of one of the houses (Chenab, Ganga, Sutlej, Ravi, Yamuna and Jhelum) of the school. It would have to include a thought for the day, followed by the morning news, scripture reading and then speech. I spoke on many occasions and even enjoyed it, sometimes speaking because I wanted to and sometimes for filling in for a student gone absent.

A few years after I passed out of my alma mater I heard that barring a few special assemblies this morning ritual had been stopped. While some of my friends rejoiced at this news, I thought it was sad. Agreed because of the school timings and the extreme weather in Delhi we used to find ourselves either sweating in the sweltering heat or shivering in the biting cold in the huge playground. But it also gave us the chance to gossip with friends, exchange notes with students of other sections, and to look at awe at all the seniors and dream about growing up. It used to be a proud moment when receiving a certificate or a prize from the hands of a chief guest in front of such a huge audience.

For going to debating or recitation competitions one always needed the backing of teachers who had the necessary authority. But for speaking in assemblies there was full freedom. If you had the willingness then all you had to do was express your interest to the House Captains and they'd happily give you the next immediately available chance.

For me it was through such experiences that I gained confidence, developed public speaking skills and managed to get over stage fright. I, therefore, fervently wish that this practice of morning assemblies is brought back to schools and continued so that young students who are otherwise shy learn to shed their inhibitions and take pride in themselves.

Loss of an identity

Today was my last official day at NCL, Pune. In the last one week I had been striving to get various signatures from officers of various departments on the No Dues Certificate, a necessary procedure to be carried out before leaving. Nothing made me realize the significance of it all as much as the act of returning my ID Card.

I had started off in NCL as a guest worker. For months I worked out of my own will, without the status of an NCL employee. So when I finally got selected as a Junior Research Fellow on a project and was issued an Id. Card I decided to always wear it showing it off as opposed to stowing it away in my bag or pocket. It gave me a sense of belonging. Every morning before entering the NCL gate I would put it around my neck feeling every bit important. So I felt really sad when I had to give up my Id. Card. There was a lump in my throat. It was as if I was losing a valuable part of myself.

In the evening while leaving the NCL premises as I walked the usual distance from lab to the gate I realized that from now on I could enter it only as a visitor, a guest. Its back to square one.

Its elementary

A couple of weeks back I had the good fortune of visiting the MindTree campus in Bangalore. I returned loving its architecture and appreciating the thoughtfulness that must have gone into making it beautiful. Impressed by it all, I began reading its co-founder Subroto Bagchi's authored The High Performance Entrepreneur.

It has an interesting chapter which tells us the nine elements that one should have when setting up a core entrepreneurial team. The truth is we could do with making use of some of these in our personal relationships too. Here is my take.

1. Complementary composition
Just like with building a team, instead of looking for pure compatibility we should go for someone who is able to complement us. A couple need not be exact opposites to attract each other. They should really be able to fill in each others blanks. When and where one is weak, the other should take over.

2. Shared vision

When starting a company the core team should have a shared vision. I had read somewhere that couples who discuss their future plans indeed go a long way. Seeing another rejoice in your success and having them express their support in your endeavours can only increase your happiness by manifold and bring the two closer.

3. Transparency

Apparently even though the initial MindTree team had known each other for years, before starting they actually sat together to openly talk about themselves. The idea was to make members aware of any pitfalls including health problems that could affect the company adversely. Similarly in a relation being honest and truthful can save a lot of unnecessary time and emotions spent.

4. Ability to question each other and take disagreement in stride

It is understandable that during discussions of proposals and strategies everyone in the team is not bound to hold the same views. Occasionally this can lead to arguments and a heated atmosphere. The author says that before stepping out of the conference room the team should sort out their differences and arrive at a consensus. This is a rule which every husband and wife pair should also follow. One shouldn't carry your anger or grudges over to the next day. Let it go even before going to sleep.

5. Personal integrity and mutual trust, and Resilience

You must have faith in the venture you've begun and in the people who are there with you. There will be criticism and questions raised. Things might not seem to be going according to your plans. But you must not give up. Many companies failed to reach the pinnacle when people behind them lost steam. Any and every relationship has to go through its share of downs. But be it in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer... we should stand by each other.

Wanting more

In the book Oliver Twist there comes a time when all the boys in the workhouse are at the point of rebellion as they are much starved because of the meager amounts of gruel served to them during meals. Lots are drawn and Oliver is chosen to walk up to the manager after supper and say the now famous dialogue:

"Please, Sir, I want some more."

These days I find myself asking the same but for a different kind of hunger. Be it time, love, money or praise I don't feel satiated. Its not that I am being deprived of any of these or that what I have is too less. I simply crave for something beyond that.

This makes me question whether its right to feel like this in a world full of people suffering from deficiencies. But then wouldn't we be just in one place without our desires and ambitions of wanting more? Until you don't ask how will you receive?

Bend it like....

It is said that how flexible you are as a person can be determined from your thumb. People who can bend their thumbs to a great angle are normally willing to listen to reason while those who like me can't, are most likely to be stubborn in nature.

And sometimes I can really be unyielding.

You can see it in my resoluteness to not wanting to learn Marathi or Bengali. Many tried to teach me and failed. In comparison I am making way better progress at picking up Tamil now.

Perhaps my eagerness for attempting any new thing is inversely proportional to the pressure being exerted on me by people to do the same. For instance, in 2006 quite a few of my friends advised me to lose weight. Their suggestions meant well and held reason but instead had an opposite effect on me. I was irritated to the extent that I refused to do anything about it. A year later the story was different. One fine day I on my own joined the gym. What followed was four months of rigorous exercises and a strong determination to keep myself away from tasty high calorie pleasures. Honestly I am keen on getting back into that mode again but my attention is currently directed towards achieving other equally important short term goals.

Being obstinate is "not good". One should be open to suggestions. I understand that if an argument is valid then we should accept it graciously. But since my thumb does not allow me I take my time to do so.

:D

Fare thee well

Today as someone told me that he had packed his bags and was ready to shift into a new home, the time when I had bid farewell to my IITB Hostel-10 days flashed before my eyes.

I had collected so many things in those two years of M.Sc. in my small hostel room that I didn't know where to begin packing. So I did what I always do in times of trouble and that was ask for help from my elder sister. She came all the way from Delhi to Mumbai taking leave from office. In those two days I did nothing but look on as she went on doing her job. She even found time to treat me and my friends at Birdy's Pizza and Uttam Da Dhaba.

This year I'll be saying my bye-byes to NCL and will be moving to Bangalore. There are paraphernalia that I have kept safely with me since I was a kid such as school journals, English reader books, my favourite Sanskrit notes, my Aamir Khan scrapbooks and hundreds of his photos, gifts and cards received from friends, all my registers and books and photocopies from college till date, then several novels starting from Five Find-outers, and finally the photo albums carrying all the memories.

Once again I find myself clueless about how to go about performing this elephantine task. What is likely to make packing my belongings still more difficult this time is the mixed feelings I am going to have. It will be like a seesaw of emotions with the sadness associated with adieus pulling me down and the excitement of starting a new phase of my life lifting me up.

True value

I have heard that to know the substance of a relationship you have to sometimes let go of it first. This normally has to do with us trying to hold on to that which is long gone.

People also say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. When you are away from someone you love, you end up falling even more deeply in love with them knowing what you are missing. Friendships that survive the gap of thousands of miles are according to me of the everlasting category. You might not be chatting everyday but these are the people who come to your help the moment you ask for it.

Occasionally we tend to take things for granted in the confidence and strong belief of our dreams' eventual culmination. A wake up call is much needed to remind us then of there real worth and for us to be thankful for what we have. I realized this today to my own peril.

I just about spoiled what I had been looking forward to for ages. "Just about" because finally the danger was averted and I could breathe a sigh of relief. But in that one hour when I thought that my flight of imagination was going to come crashing down, it dawned up on me a million times how much what was going to be snatched away meant to me.

It seems to me as if a loss or a near loss is the only way for us to find out what we truly value.

Fear factor

I was wondering that does fear always trickle in when something extremely good happens to us.

Popular film stars, cricketers on a roll and leading businessmen are often asked whether they are afraid of all the success and glamor being snatched away from them. What if one day they wake up to find that everything that they have achieved is suddenly gone?

Those in love too tend to have similar worries both knowingly and unknowingly. You are so happy that you begin to question whether you should be so happy. Aishwarya Rai sings

Lekin chahat mein sajna-sajni ko
Lagti hai ek duje ki nazar...

in the Nimbooda song from Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. What she means is that the evil eye cast upon lovers is really their own because they have eyes only for each other. This is different from the usual apprehension that if you let in the world on your secret then someone's shadow might fall on your blissful life. Not surprisingly we like to be guarded in what we reveal.

I guess the only way to let go of such fears is to have confidence in yourself and those who love you that together you will be able to withstand all the stormy weather. At the same time you must savor the beautiful spring that has bloomed in your life and keep faith that it will be an everlasting one.

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PS: What are your fears in love or otherwise?

Blast from the past

I don't think I have ever revealed here that I keep a diary. I've been writing since I was in class VIII. But unlike others and just like this blog, I don't write every day. Mostly something good or bad has to happen to compel me to pen down my thoughts. I never write mundane day to day happenings. That's why the diary that I had bought in December 2006 is still very much in use with a number of pages left to be filled.

A lot of people say that one should not live in the past but keep surging ahead. Yet one of my favourite pastimes is to read my old diary entries. I always find it great fun to turn back the pages and recall incidents that had left a mark on me. I end up laughing away to glory remembering things that had disturbed me then but now have lost their meaning. Then there are descriptions of those moments which were a source of joy and I find them to be as effective as before in bringing a smile.

I've come to believe that looking back is not so bad as long as you don't end up losing sight of what lies ahead. :)

Thoughts in Sydney

I am keeping the weekend to write my Sydney travelogue. Here I am simply going to share some of the thoughts that I was struck with during the eight days of my stay there.

When you love something you just can't get enough of it!

If you need but a moment to fall in love, then that is what it takes for you to let it go.

Some desires are like the big waves on the beach... first you excitedly chase them and then when they come back at you, you run away feeling scared of getting caught in the flow.

Given a choice between what is right and what is wrong, always go for the first however tempting the latter option may appear.

There is no dearth of love in this world. Since I haven't found it yet, I must have been looking in all the wrong places.

If I can't get romance in my life then I'd at least like to stay in a setting which is romantic. (Inspired by this lizard in the photo below that I found lurking around in a very beautiful spot in The Chinese Garden in Sydney. :-p)

Inherent goodness

A film that had that left me speechless was Deepa Mehta's 1947-Earth starring Aamir Khan, Nandita Das and Rahul Khanna. The story is set in Lahore at the time of India-Pakistan partition. It chronicles this phase of our history through a group of simple people who meet regularly in a park. How the lives and characters of these people change in the aftermath of the partition forms the crux of the film.

In the film they have shown using both explicit and implicit means the horrendous acts that took place in those troubled times. The scene in which a train carrying dead bodies arrives at a station was spine chilling. In another one the little girl Lenny baby pulls apart her doll to discover the end a man lynched by a crowd of nearly a hundred must have faced. The climax of the film where the icecandywallah Dilnaawaz sweet talks his way to find out the whereabouts of Shanta from Lenny baby and then betrays her trust by giving away the secret to an angry mob left me speechless. All these acts gave truth to the dialogue spoken by Dilnaawaz in the film

Hum sab mein ek jaanwar hai. Bas bahar nikalne ki deri hai. (meaning ... There's an animal in all of us. It only needs time to come out in the open.)

I on the contrary believe that there is an inherent goodness in all of us. It might not be visible all the time but it is there. We all have our favourites for whom we always feel protective and hence try and act as shield for them. But there are also times when help comes from unexpected quarters. I have seen people going out of the way to support those they might not share a special bond with. Its a pleasant surprise to find instances where people who on the face appeared as being bindaas (carefree) to me have actually turned out to be the reason behind a change.

I guess just like the bad, the good also needs a push.

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Let me leave you with this cartoon strip in which Garfield is trying to be on his best behaviour. :)