New year

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person"  

W. Somerset Maugham

It has been a while since 2012 set in, but I haven't been able to get the above lines out of my mind. 

Over time relationships undergo a transformation. With some people we become increasingly comfortable, familiarity smooths the initial kinks, and the connection strengthens. In other cases those who once held prime importance for us, fade out of our lives at a later stage. This disappearance could be simply a derivative of our busyness or a shift of priorities. In rare instances the decision to keep away is even intentional. 

Whatever the reason for the distance, we may occasionally look back, ponder over how it happened and even try to bridge the gap. However, any such attempt would be fruitless if the desire to restore things to former glory isn't mutual.  

In Hindi there is a saying: taali ek haath se nahi bajti (you cannot clap with just one hand). It takes two to tango. So is the case with maintaining ties in their true spirit. The effort has to come from both sides.

If the person in front is unwilling to reach for your outstretched hand and has closed his/her heart, then what can be done? You come out feeling foolish and worse still, deeply saddened.

Not only is it a happy chance to be able to keep loving a changed person, but to have them continue to love you back.

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PS: What should one do to make this happy chance actually possible? 

The Man of My Dreams

I recently read the book The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld. The story begins in June 1991 when Hannah at the age of 14 years old sees her parents separate. As she grows older she meets three men. There is Mike who truly loves her but she doesn’t find a soul mate in him. Then we have the handsome Oliver who gives her attention and much more but has a roving eye. Finally there is Henry for whom Hannah has held a torch for years. She moves to Chicago to be near him only to learn he has a girlfriend. They begin to spend unusual times together, acknowledge their once up on a time crush for each other and recognize the “weird thing” happening between them. But ultimately their relationship doesn't move any further and this is the closest Hannah comes to finding the man of her dreams.

When Henry steers towards Suzy, a heartbroken Hannah goes to New Mexico where she learns to live again. With some soul searching, she is able to confront the demons of her childhood that have always held her back. Nearly two years later one day in May 2005 she writes a letter to her therapist telling her the lessons learned.

Here are a few of the lines Hannah says in those pages and my comments (in italics):

"Perhaps this is how you know you're doing the thing you're intended to do: No matter how slow or slight your progress, you never feel that it's a waste of time.”
*When looking at other people’s lives and success, in a moment of weakness we tend to question our own worth. I feel in such a situation we should think like Hannah to strengthen our belief in what we do.*

“I wanted to hold happiness in reserve, like a bottle of champagne. I postponed it because I was afraid, because I overvalued it, because I didn’t want to use it up, because what do you wish for then? The possibility, that I was intimidated by getting what I wanted, is the hardest one for me to consider, which might mean it is the likeliest.”
*It is indeed our fears that tie us down and make us hesitate when all we needed to do was take a leap of faith.*

“I don’t mean this to be glib,” Hannah continues, “but I feel like a lot of life is distasteful and embarrassing. And you just push through it. Isn’t that the big lesson we learned from living with Dad? You fix what you can, and you let time pass.”
*It is hard to wait for time do its magic but mostly it does work.*

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PS: Would like to share any quote from a book that stayed back with you?

Distance loving

This is the story of long distance loving traced through quotations.

THE FIRST DAY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you... (Richard Marx)

Time and distance don't mean anything when I know we will embrace and hold each other again. (Anonymous)

If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? (Richard Bach)

In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged. (Hans Nouwens)


A FEW WEEKS LATER

We are the perfect couple. We're just not in the perfect situation. (Joey Rivett)

You know when you've found it 'cause you feel it when they take it away. (Anonymous)

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. (Khalil Gibran)

5000 miles away and you are still right here, in my heart and mind. (Anonymous)

I'll hold you in my heart, till I can hold you in my arms. (Anonymous)

Don't measure the distance; measure my love. (Anonymous)


A FEW MONTHS LATER

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely. (Charlie Brown)

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. (Lamartine)

I am here and you are there - one of us is in the wrong place! (Anonymous)

Time is the longest distance between two places. (Tennessee Williams)

Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; and every little absence is an age. (John Dryden)

Words are just not enough to tell you how much you mean to me and how much I need you by my side, all my life. You have touched my life in ways others can't even think of. (Anonymous)

Between now and you is a few hundred days, thousands of tears, and a great deal of dreaming. When those few hundred days have passed, when those thousands of tears have been shed, and when I have dreamt a great deal of dreams, I will be with you again, and it will be pure magic. (Anonymous)


AND FINALLY

The joy of meeting pays the pangs of absence; else who could bear it? (Nicholas Rowe)

Ain't no mountain high enough,
Aint no valley low enough,
Aint no river wide enough,
to keep me from getting to you baby!! (Temptations)

Distance does not matter if two hearts are loyal to one another. (Anonymous)

The test of love is not when we are together. It comes when we are not together and realize that despite the distance, love is still there. (Anonymous)

Distance between two people is only as far as one allows it to be... (Anonymous)

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PS: Do you know any other famous quotes in this category? What stage is your long distance relationship at?

Thanking for the bad

A young woman was sitting at her dining table, worried about taxes to be paid, house-work to be done and to top it all, her family was coming over for Thanksgiving the next day. She was not feeling very thankful at that time. As she turned her gaze sideways, she noticed her young daughter scribbling furiously into her notebook.

“My teacher asked us to write a paragraph on Negative Thanksgiving for homework today.” said the daughter, “She asked us to write down things that we are thankful for, things that make us feel not so good in the beginning, but turn out to be good after all.”

With curiosity, the mother peeked into the book.

This is what the daughter had written:

“I’m thankful for Final Exams, because that means school is almost over.
I’m thankful for bad-tasting medicine, because it helps me feel better.
I’m thankful for waking up to alarm clocks, because it means I’m still alive.”

It then dawned on the mother, that she had a lot of things to be thankful for!

She thought again…
She had to pay taxes but she that meant she was fortunate to be employed.
She had house-work to do but that meant she had her own home to live in.
She had to cook for her family for Thanksgiving but that meant she had a family with whom she could celebrate.


A friend forwarded me this story a while back and I remember it bringing a smile on my face. We always thank God for the good things in our life but immediately start questioning Him for the bad. In tough situations we wonder why is it us facing the music. Sometimes even the simplest of chores appear burdensome.

The above story makes us realize that in our everyday worries we tend to forget what all we have been blessed with. It tells us that behind the difficulties we come across, there is a hidden good which we should try to recognize and be thankful and happy for. Instead of whining, we should look at the silver lining of the cloud. Like Thomas Edison who had once said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." we should see the bright side of life.

Test of your love

Here is a nice quote which tells how absence is a litmus test for your love. :)

Absence is to love what wind is to fire;

it extinguishes the small,

it enkindles the great.

- Comte de Bussy-Rabnutin

It happens in love

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others,
and the delight in the recognition.

This is a quotation I found myself staring at on igoogle some days back. I would say that in love not only do you discover yourself in others but also discover yourself because of others. You come across feelings you never thought existed inside you. Over time you find out who and what is it that you hold most dear. You also come face to face with your strengths and weaknesses, your qualities and your vices, and your successes and your shortcomings.

Yes, when someone notices and appreciates your efforts, it sends you in raptures and you feel incredibly proud of even the littlest of good you might have done. On the other hand realizing where you lacked fills you with guilt. Along the way you learn how much more there is in you that you could and should give. Love humbles you.

Love-analogy

I was greeted with the following analogy between love and truth as a quote on my igoogle yesterday evening and I couldn't help but agree with it.

Love is like the truth,
sometimes it prevails,
and sometimes it hurts."
- Victor M. Garcia Jr

And it has inspired me to come up with the following poem for whose beginning I have used the above lines. Here goes...

Love is like the truth
sometimes it hurts and sometimes it prevails
Love is like the weather
sometimes it blooms and sometimes it hails

Love is like the war
sometimes its victory and sometimes its defeat
Love is like a lie
sometimes its sour and sometimes its sweet

Love is like forgiveness
sometimes you get it and sometimes you don't
Love is like that poem
which from the heart freely flows

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How good or bad was this attempt?

To be happy...

I came across this lovely quotation yesterday. It tells a simple trick on how to be happy.


To be happy drop the words 'if only'
and substitute instead the words 'next time'.

T-shirt quotes

Came across some interesting t-shirt quotes lately.

1. InVest
(printed on a t-shirt worn by a guy in the gym)

2. Nobody is listening to you until you make a mistake.
(liked this so much that I actually bought the t-shirt for myself)

3. I like you. Your end will be quick and painless.
(this one made me want to become really wicked!)

Anne's thoughts on friendship

I am putting here Anne Shirley's quotes from the book Anne of Avonlea to mark Friendship's Day.


I'm so thankful for friendship. It beautifies life so much....

If we have friends we should look only for the best in them and give them the best that is in us, don't you think? Then friendship would be the most beautiful thing in the world.

Time versus time

All of us must have found at some point or the other certain forwards finding there way into our inbox again and again. Some of these forwards carry nice messages and even inspire us to do better.

I was enthused by one forward which through its many examples told that time whether quantified in units of a year, month, week, day, minute or second and these days perhaps even a nanosecond, is crucial. An athlete who lost a race because of half a second, a doctor who is unable to save a life because of a minute's delay in bringing the patient to the hospital and a student who fails in an exam even after months of preparation would be able to clearly tell us about the importance of time. So we should not waste our time and simply let it go.

The second forward had would-have-been-victims (belonging to a company whose premises was in the Twin Towers) of the 9/11 tragedy telling stories how they got saved because little incidents occurred which made them reach their office late. Some of these "little" things were like a man stopping for buying a band-aid for his blister, a woman's son crying and not wanting to go to school, someone missing his usual train, etc. These stories tell us that while time is important we should not fret when even after our best efforts we lose it or get delayed. We should learn to value these little though irritating (at that moment) speed breakers.

I like both the forwards and use them to inspire me depending on the occasion. To keep me on my toes on the work front I remind myself the words of the first forward. And when I happen to miss a bus and reach home/work late I console myself with the message of the second forward saying "this is where God wants me to be". It always reminds me of this quote:

Agar Bhagwaan tumhe wo nahi de rahe jo tum chahte ho
toh iska matlab hai ki Unhone tumhare liye kuch aur accha soch rakha hai.

meaning

If God is not giving you what you are asking for
then it means that He has made some other better plans for you.

Patient timing

I woke up about 40 min back and as I was making my bed tea still half asleep I ended up complaining:

"I seem to be running out of patience for two kinds of things.
Those which I can't wait for to end.
And those which I just can't to wait to start."

This quote obviously had nothing to do with my act of making tea. It was a result of the dream that I had just before getting up. The dream I am going to keep a secret. What I will reveal is that I suddenly found myself wide awake as I started thinking a little bit more about my pronouncement.

If there were only two such types of events in my life then I would be happy with the rate at which time has been running for me. But it was only yesterday when I asked a friend of mine whether there was some way I could slow it down. Which means there are other situations belonging to a third category that are also occurring. These are the ones which require a long spell in order to work out in the end and thus are the ones which test our patience.

I guess a solution to my woes would be if I could work in two different time zones - slow and fast. Then by going back and forth I could make the things for which I had no restraint happen quickly without having to wait for the long drawn out periods to get over first.

Mother's Day

"India is a land of festivals." Thats how we used to begin our essays in school on the topics of diwali and holi. These festivals are now celebrated even in Hindi tv serials and other programmes where stories and epsiodes are specially woven around these joyous occasions. The idea is to give the TRPs a boost. TRPs or television rating points are the criteria that indicate the popularity of a TV channel or programme and form the basis on which advertisers decide on which channel, time and programme to sell their products.

Today is Mother's Day. So on the 10th May's episode of the singing competition Jo Jeeta Wohi Superstar (JJWS) shown on Star Plus all the participants had to sing their mother's favourite songs. The episode obviously was not limited to just singing. There was a tide of emotions throughout the one and a half hour telecast. At one particular juncture everyone was found crying. Not just the participants and their mothers but also the judges, host and entire audience and nearly me as well.

While I dislike such acts to gain sympathy votes and brownie points, I couldn't help but come to one conclusion from all the stories which I heard that night... that allover mothers are just the same. They are loving, caring and forever willing to make sacrifices. They constantly think about their children's future and try to meet their demands however difficult the circumstances. They never flinch and never ever complain. Yet we take our mothers for granted. In fact sometimes they are at the receiving end of our ire even when they are not the real source of our rising tempers. We often don't say the things that we really should be saying.

Lest we regret it later let us take this one moment to say thanks to and shower hugs and kisses on that wonderful woman in our lives. Let us not forget the proverb:

"God could not be everywhere
and so he made mothers."

Let us give our mothers the appreciation and applause that they are so worthy of.

Happy Mother's Day, Mummy!!

Quotation for Valentine's Day

Found this really sweet quotation in Times of India (again!!) today:

Love does not make the world go round.
But it surely makes the ride worthwhile.

-Frank P. Jones

:)

Men and leadership

Found this hilarious quotation in yesterday's (7 November, 2007) Times of India:


Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men,
the other 999 follow women.
- Groucho Marx


I absolutely agree... truer words were never spoken!

Hope floats

Remember Red, hope is a good thing, may be the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
- movie Shawshank Redemption

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.
- Martin Luther King (I have a dream... speech)

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie

What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life.
-Emil Brunner

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

- Emily Dickinson

Hoping against hope

I have used the phrase "hoping against hope" innumerable times all through school, college and now as I am doing my Ph.D. Even in the worst case scenario I preferred to imagine that something good would happen, I preferred to believe till the last minute that whatever was not working would suddenly start functioning again and that eventually everything would just fall into place. Hoping for the best is what kept me going.

Can one completely lose hope?
Is it really difficult to get back the lost hope?
Why aren't some people able to make a U-turn after reaching a dead end?

In the last few years I have come across quite a few headlines in papers giving the news of an IIT student committing suicide. It saddens me to learn that these young kids chose to embrace death instead of life.

I can speak for myself and I am sure many would agree that we've had an easier life than our parents. We didn't have to give tuition to fund our education. We were never made to take care of the household and look after our brothers and sisters when we were in school. We didn't have to walk miles to reach our colleges. How many of our wishes were not granted by our parents?

May be we've had it too easy that at the very first instance of hard luck coming our way we begin to crumble. Whatever happened to that age old mantra of "if you try and don't succeed try, try again"?

We must remind ourselves like the dialogue from The Shawshank Redemption that "hope is a good thing" and we don't need any courage to hold on to it. Infact holding on to hope gives you the courage needed to face the future.

New quotes

Fear is in the eye of the beholder.

Yesterday I saw this quote written on the back of someone's t-shirt in the gym and I liked it very much.

A new attitude will always lead to a new result.

Two years ago Daddy had gifted me a "motivational calendar" as a birthday gift. But surprisingly I never noticed this quote until yesterday.

The first line reminds me of the days when I used to fear going to the gym. Everything looked to sophisticated. Everyone seemed to know everything. I couldn't imagine myself fitting in. My very first day there one trainer made me stand practically in the centre of the gym to do warm exercises. I'd felt really funny as if all eyes were peeringat me. As I looked around it wasn't so. Later I realised there were more people like me who didn't know much about the machines in the gym. Within a day my fear was gone. All it had needed was me taking that one step inside the gym.

The second quotation puts into words what I have been feeling since I started going to the gym two months back. The new result is not just the kilograms of weight lost. I am happier than before. I am more confident than before. I want to learn new things. I am willing to go for morning walks with Daddy on Sundays. And I am thoroughly enjoying all the attention that I am getting now.

So, do not let fear hold you back from bringing about a new change in your life, whether its personal or professional.

One constant complaint

Nice quotes

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
-Charles Gordy

So go ahead uncles, aunties and boys and girls and become beautiful in a matter of seconds.

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.
-Anonymous

And as they say if its your's it'll do an about turn.

Patience with others is love,
patience with self is hope and
patience with God is faith.
-Adel Bestavros

Aren't these the simplest and most apt definitions for the three words!!

(Note: These quotes are taken from today's TOI.)