Where will you be 10 years from now?

I read an article Secret Tips from Smart CEOs in Sunday 29th April's Times of India which had some women achievers talk about the challenges that they face and how they keep themselves going. These were women who are in their forties and fifties except for one, Sulajja Firodia Motwani, who is just 36 years old.

This set me thinking. I turned 26 this year. Where will I be after a decade? What would I be doing? What would I have managed to achieve by then?

At some point or the other in school we are asked by our friends, teachers and parents "what do you want to become on growing up?" This question has a wide range of answers from wanting to be an engineer, doctor, scientist or astronaut to an actor, vet, lawyer, engine driver or teacher.

Having grown up I've realised that its not just enough to become something. There should be the desire to make a mark, to stand out, to be the best, to do great things, to better oneself.

Its a dream of mine to start a research institute in India which will be on par with places like ICTP, Italy. I would like the focus to be on research using theoretical and computational tools be it in chemistry, physics, biology or medicine. In NCL we are a small Theoretical Chemistry Group. JNCASR, Bangalore opened only a year ago in April 2006 the Centre for Computational Materials Science. Its time an institute catering to theoretical research was set up with the best of facilities, students and teachers with the drive and excitment to use those facilities and finally people with a passion and vision to run it.

Am I aiming too high? One should always do that the reason being that gravity will bring it down anyway. I'd read this somewhere.

I am hoping that in ten years time I would have started working towards this dream. But what about you? Where will you be 10 years from now?

Not so random questions

Why is it that we tend to hope against hope?

Why is it that we console ourselves by imagining the makebelieve as reality?

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why does it take time to forget?

Why is it that we are unable to wish ill for those who've hurt us?

I am in a speculative mood right now and hence all these questions.

The answer to the first two could be related to us not wanting to accept the truth. I guess its nicer living on false hope than facing the harsh reality. Facing reality is not enough. One has to move on in life. But that's easier said than done. Fighting memories is an arduous task. Besides don't we all on some occasions like to dwell in the past? A joke shared, a sweet moment, an innocent encounter, the unending talks, the pleasantly surprising surprises... who would be willing to forgo all of these? Even if someone is, can he/she really set himself/herself completely free?

The last question applies obviously to those who feel mean after being mean, who may not have forgotten but have forgiven, for whom there is no excuse for thinking evil... someone like me. (hehehehe) Just kidding. I am all for taking revenge. Wouldn't it be great if the person who had caused the hurt had a conscience? Then whenever he'd remember the wrong done he'd feel discomfiture. Wouldn't it be awesome if they came face to face with what they'd been running away from? What wouldn't I do to see the troublers in troubled waters!!

Quotations

Found these sweet lines in an email today. I liked them so much that I am putting them here.

It is not that I am afraid to die.
It is that if I die who will love you as I do?

Some joys are better expressed in silence
as a smile holds more meaning than words.
I was asked if I enjoy having you in my life...
I just smiled. :)

If even a day should go by when I don't say I love you
may never a moment go by without you knowing that I do.

More on marriage

The debate on marriages (because of my last post) has prompted me to make a mention of this scene from the film Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rehte Hain which I happened to see while channel surfing.

But let me first describe briefly what had happened in the movie until this scene. Anil Kapoor plays Anupam Kher's son. He has just returned to India from "foreign" and is spending all his time partying. The concerned father feels the only solution to this problem is to get his son married. After getting a no for an answer he emotionally blackmails Anil Kapoor into saying yes to marriage who lays down one condition. The condition is that Anil Kapoor will marry only for a year and if at the end of that period he falls in love with the girl (and vice versa) only then will he continue else he'll opt for divorce. Obviously this leaves Anupam Kher in shock who gets worried if his son after a year does the latter what would happen to the broken hearted girl.

What actually shocked me however was the following dialogue said by the loyal servant to cool down his maalik Anupam Kher.

Saahab. Aap ladki dekh lo.

Baaki sab ladki dekh legi.

Meaning...

Sir. You just find the girl.
She will handle everything else on her own.

It seems the girl is expected to cure the wayward son of all his faults. A feat which the father couldn't achieve in many years she is supposed to do in twelve months.

In the movie Kajol signs the contract because Anil Kapoor promises financial support in return that allows her to settle problems in her own home. But what can be said of the families which are secure in money matters but still get their daughters married to a problem? And what can be said of the well educated girls who agree to become brides?

In the recently released film Provoked based on a real life story, Kiranjit Ahluwalia (played by Aishwarya Rai) continues to stay in a marriage despite being regularly assaulted by her husband. She is provoked much later, after becoming a mother of two, into setting her husband on fire in self defense.

The first question that comes to my mind is that why did it take such a long time for Kiranjit to feel provoked? What causes battered women like Kiranjit to go on suffering silently for years? Is it the stigma of a failed marriage? Is it their false hope that things will improve with time? Or do they simply resign to their fate since they've been fed on the age old Indian belief of pati parmeshwar (the husband is God incarnate)? Is it because even today girl's families are known not to take them back home kindly? The last situation is shown to happen in the earlier film too. It forces Kajol to angrily lament that while her husband had left her after one year she had hoped to get support from a home where she had spent 22 years of her life.

Shaadi ka ladoo

I am currently at what is called in India "a marriagable age". I keep on receiving threats from my father about getting me married once every six months. But this year he is on a mission.

I remember that when I had returned to Pune after my elder sister's wedding reception in Bangalore I was happily declaring to everyone that I had finally found the city I wanted to settle down in. It was funny then but not any more since everyone has started considering the idea seriously. Earlier when some of my labmates would ask me if I would want to get married while doing my PhD my answer used to be yes (!!). These days this thought leaves me horrorstricken. I am smack in the middle of my research and I am praying not to find someone good too soon to come and make matters more difficult for me.

On the flip side I am dying to know who this someone good is. A question that haunts me is "what kind of a boy am I looking for?". He should be someone in front of whom I won't care about acting silly. Someone with whom I'll feel at ease whether we are talking or just sitting quiet. Someone for whom my dreams and ambitions will hold a regard just as his. Someone who'll be supportive of what I want to achieve. Someone who'll push me to do better. Someone who wouldn't want me following him around all the time and give me the freedom to chart my own course. And someone who'll love me loads.

Some days back a friend of mine was saying that he felt these days more number of people are going for arranged marriages because of love marriages failing with the passing of a few years. But then there is the worry associated with not knowing your partner well enough in case of the former.

What I think is this. It doesn't really matter how you start. What matters is how you sustain it. Life is not easy. Every couple is confronted with difficult situations. There will be times calling for tough decisions to be made. On such occasions how well do the partners complement each other and how understanding they are? Do they stand up for or against each other? In the face of hardships can they laugh together? Do they have faith in each other? In the answers to these questions lies the key to a happy marriage.

I believe sharing and caring is all that is needed for love to grow.

Its rainin

For the past two days we've been having some wonderfully romantic weather thanks to the pre-monsoon showers blessing the Pune city. There are many hit Hindi film rain songs from the olden days. But my favourite is from a recent movie Fanaa. The fact that the song featuress Aamir Khan serves as an added bonus for me.

I love the lyrics of Yeh saazish hai boondon ki... which have been penned by Prasoon Joshi. I am putting them down here and am highlighting those lines that I really like. :)

Yeh saazish hain boondon ki

Koi khwaaish hain chup chup si

Yeh saazish hain boondon ki
Koi khwaaish hain chup chup si

Dekho na dekho na

Dekho na dekho na

Hawa kuch haule haule zubaan se kya kuchh bole

Kyon doori hai ab darmiyaan

Dekho na dekho na

Dekho na dekho na

Phir na hawaaein hongi itni besharam

Phir na dag mag dag mag honge yeh kadam

Ho saawan bhi seedha nahi khufia bada

Kuch toh baraste hue keh raha

Samjho na samjho na

Samjho na samjho na

Hawa kuchh haule haule zubaan se kya kuch bole

Kyon doori hai ab darmiyaan

Dekho na dekho na

Dekho na dekho na

Jugnu jaise chaahat dekho jale bujhe

Meethi si mushkil hai koi kya kare

Hmm hothon ki arzi aaise thukraao na

Saanson ki marzi ko jhuthlaao na

Choo lo na choo lo na

Choo lo na choo lo na

Hawa kuchh haule haule zubaan se kya kuchh bole

Na doori hai ab darmiyaan

Dekho na dekho na

Dekho na dekho na

RSM Musical Nite

On Friday we had the RSM Musical Nite which was to be held in March but had got cancelled because of an accidental fire occuring the same day. There was a mix of inhouse NCL singers (one of them being me!) and professional ones who came along with the orchestra that had been hired. Since all the promised practice sessions had already taken place in February one extra sitting was kept about an hour before the show started. After the rehersal I was one nervous girl unsure of being able to pull off my song Yeh mera dil... from the film Don.

Fearing the worst I anyway went to change for the evening. When I returned after putting on a flashy pink t-shirt, styling my hair, wearing a silver bracelet and using the eyeliner, I meet Ankur (one of the student secretaries) who then asks me seriously "Tuhina, don't you want to go and freshen up?" What a morale booster that was!!!

The show finally started at 6.45pm in the imposing NCL auditorium. I saw from the wings that all my labmates on my insistence were sitting in front right in the third row. I was feeling relaxed having been told that I was seventh in the queue of performances. While the third song was being sung I was teasing Nazrul that he'll be the first amongst us NCL singers to perform. And then the compere came in the green room.

I am informed that I have to sing in place of Chand sifaarish... which was the 4th number in the list first made.

The song Dard-e-dil from the movie Karz ends. The compere goes back on stage and tells the NCL audience that the next singer is one of then and so they must cheer her up. Nothing wrong with saying that. But then he adds... "Can you guess her name?"

"Oh my God!!" is what all that comes to my mind. There are only a handful of people in NCL other than my ten labmates who know me. I am not a star who's name someone would shout. And nobody did. Thankfully they didn't take anyone else's name either.

Embarrased I took the mic from him. But one look at my labmates who were cheering and clapping for me and it just put me at ease. I felt so cool there that I nearly forgot to start singing!! But once I began I didn't stop till I finished. It wasn't the perfect rendition. I just managed to pull off the high note of the last line of the first stanza. The second stanza was definitely better. Unlike last year I wasn't feeling nervous at all. Seeing my labmates continously root for me and Ideh blowing whistles, made me actually laugh while singing. Later on Lalitha disclosed that in truth both she and Saikat were feeling nervous for me and were having second thoughts of doing all this as it might distract me. Which it did but in a good way. :)

After my five minutes of limelight ended I went and joined my labmates. Now was my turn to act like the NCL audience. I had so much fun being in that role. The professional singers were just too good. Not only did they have wonderful voices they were enjoying every moment of their performances and were interacting really well with the junta. Ideh became the highlight with her non-stop loud whistles and I must make a mention none of the guys could even match forget about beating her skills.

One of our NCL singers Rajendra actually created history when he was made to sing "once more". Dekha jo tujhe yaar... from the film Apna Sapna Money Money was an instant hit with all on us. It had everyone coming on the floor and dancing.

In all it was a memorable evening. I haven't had such fultoo mazaa in many days.

And now I am looking forward to dandiya. :p